Ana Naddoush

The Imperfect Enjoyment

December 8, 2009 · 6 Comments

I have had this book lying on my bedside table for the past couple of months, providing me with some much needed, albeit infrequent, distraction from my thesis writing. The book is called The Imperfect Enjoyment and is a memoir written by Dewan Gibson, an American novelist.

I don’t know where to start with this book. The language is so inappropriate and the view on women at times so demeaning, that I have no idea why I find the book so good. I am pretty sure that the book will not make it to the Middle East because of its interesting vocabulary and then of course the forbidden love story between the writer and a young exchange student from Bahrain. But you never know – it might. The book is really funny, sometimes in a very boyish way, but still, but it also contains serious matters and perspectives for interesting discussions.

By boyish I mean boyish. This is definitely a book written by a guy, and it is so honest that it sometimes makes your toes crumble: “(…) this motel in the stronghold of conservatism offers free access to the Playboy channel, but I’m just too tired to watch moaning blondes with landing-strip pubic hair”, and sometimes it even makes your stomach turn like when he describes his nightly adventure with a girl who all of a sudden gets a very bad stomach and floods his toilet with s***…

The subtitle of the book is a bachelor’s memoir, and indeed it is, or maybe a more correct title would have been the story of my women? The book tells the story from the author’s first kiss in the seventh grade with a neighborhood girl with a fancy Jheri curl, through his first sexual experience with a plane Jane with a recurring rash on her upper lip, to his first relationship with the curvy Puerto Rican Rocio, to his first one night stand and then on to Haniyah.

Haniyah is an exchange student enrolling as an undergrad at the university where Dewan is starting his graduate program. She reveals her background on their first date going to the movies, telling him that she is from Bahrain. But in the beginning things are simple – “…I don’t really care where she is from. What is on my mind is asking her to hide a Pepsi and a pack of Skittles in her purse before the movie and having the opportunity to get to know her better afterwards”.

So the relationship develops and grows, and for a while everything is bliss. But also in this open and liberal setting the latent problems reaches the surface. Haniyah’s brother gets protective and mad, her mom is about to keep her in Bahrain after being back for a summer vacation, Dewan has troubles accepting that Haniyah can never tell her family about their relationship, and then there is the constant struggle with the cultural differences and trying to understand each other’s point of view.

When Haniyah comes back to the States after her first summer break devastated because her mother almost wouldn’t let her leave, Dewan doesn’t get it: “Just do what you want to do. She has her own life, you have your life. I don’t get it”. The typical cultural gap.

But they stay together in spite of the obvious obstacles – but in the end the relationship is ill-fated. I know it is a memoir, so if it happened in this way it can’t be changed, this is what happened. But I still feel a little bit sad about the turn out. The story supports the general assumption that culturally mixed relationships in the end are without happy endings. They always seem to end in breaks. So I am left wondering…

→ 6 CommentsCategories: Culture · Relationships · The Middle East

Secret alleys, fish and Arak

November 27, 2009 · 5 Comments

Two weeks ago I discovered a little gem in Amman, which I had never seen or heard of before. I went out for dinner with a group of friends and they took me downtown. In a little alley opposite Hashem’s lies a little restaurant called Sara, and according to my company they serve they best fish and seafood in Jordan (and after tasting it I must agree that it was really zaaki).

So the fish was absolutely delicious, but the interesting part was not so much the fish, it was the whole setting. We went in to the restaurant and ordered everything, told them how we wanted each thing prepared and cooked, and then we went out again, crossed the alley and went through a small door and up a set of narrow stairs. And here my first experience at a downtown bar began.

Bars in downtown Amman, the idea never crossed my mind, but come to think of it – of course there must be (and as I learned that night, this was definitely not the only bar in the area). So I learned something new that evening.

We went in – and of course everybody stared really weird at me when I walked in with a group of Jordanian guys -  I guess they don’t see many women there (typical Jordanian “guy-café”). We got a table, we ordered a bunch of salads and things to go with the fish and then of course – the primary reason for being there – ARAK! According to my friends Arak is great to drink with fish (maybe they are right, but my taste buds tells me that Arak does not go well with anything, and should be left alone :-) ). So in it came – 2 bottles of Arak, some water to mix it with (nice Lion’s milk…) and then cheers.

The place was really interesting to observe. Very charming place actually – and without a doubt the best service I have ever received at any restaurant in Jordan. On the walls hung pictures with scenes from old Arabic films and the TV-screens were tuned in to that lovely Arabic channel with the girls in very tight outfits, who are dancing seducing around in a circle (to me known as shar**** style TV). Groups of guys were occupying most of the tables and as the night progressed more and more people came. Old and young, rich and poor, university students, lawyers and taxi drivers. All types of people came to this place. Amazing experience.

So after 4 big plates of fish and seafood, 2 bottles of Arak, a couple of beers and a wonderful night, we snug down the narrow staircases and in to the Ammani night – leaving the restaurant and the dark alley and as we found it – hidden between a bunch of crazy downtown shops with all the things you just can’t live without.

Guy place or not – I am definitely coming back!

→ 5 CommentsCategories: Amman · Culture · Jordan · food · friends

Some we love

November 7, 2009 · 9 Comments

A friend of mine posted this beautiful poem by Kahlil Gibran on Facebook the other day. I have never fully read Gibrans works, so this poem was new to me – but it hit me, right in the heart.

Some we love,
But stay away from, for in distance they are more beautiful
In distance they are more elegant
And in distance, they are more precious

And some we love
And strive to be with
Share every detail of life with
Hurts to be away from
And we can not imagine life without them

And some we love
And wish to live a fairy tale with
Create opportunities to run into
Make up reasons to see
And live fantasy more than reality with

And some we love
But only secretly
So we stay silent, though silence hurts
And we dare not speak out our love for the obstacles are many
And the obstacles are scary, and it is for the best for us and them
That the doors between us remain closed

And some we love
And scream out to the world about them
Chat about them all the time
Need their presence, like we need water, and air
And choke in their absence

And some we love
For we can’t find anyone else
And our need for love pushes us towards them
So days go by
And life goes by
And time does not stop
And it terrifies us to stay alone

And some we love
Because they don’t deserve anything but love
And before them, we have nothing but love
So we learn what is beautiful from them
And we re-build all that has been broken with them
And we re-paint our lives with them
And truly strive to give them happiness

And some we love
But we do not see a response to it in their heart
So we collapse and break
And stumble around in failed tales
But we don’t hate them
And we don’t forget them
And we don’t love anyone but them
And we cry over them after every failed attempt

And some we love

And what is only left is for them to love us

Just like we love them

The words are so beautiful and precise – like he is looking inside of me and speaking what is in my heart.

The first love – the ones we love “but stay away from, for in distance they are more beautiful” - those are my parents. I love my parents deeply, no questions asked, but there is also a history of pain and hurt between us, which sometimes makes distance a good way of reminding myself of how beautiful they are, and of how much I do love them. On a distance I realize things that I fail to see when we are close.

The second love – the ones we love and strive to be with and want to share every detail of life with. I know this love. Very well. I feel it through the bones of my body. This one person in your life, that you can’t imagine life without. Anything else suddenly seems unimportant – and you would walk to the end of the world for this person.

The third love – the ones we love and wish to live a fairy tale with - I have done that many times, when I was a child, a teenager and even today as an adult sometimes. When I was a child I would fall in love with someone impossible, a prince in a movie for example, and dream of my own prince and the fairytale life we could live together. But even today some times – I will dream of a man, a real and living one, but still dream away about a fairytale life and the happy ever after. Not considering the reality and the obstackles inherent in it – just dreaming and hoping for miracles.

The fourth love – the ones we love but only secretly – I know about this love – but not from myself, because it is not in me to love someone secretly. Nomatter the obstackles I will keep believing – because in my world – anything is possible. In spite of obstackles and big challenges, I will always speak my love and fight for it openly – hurt is better than giving  up before hand and never knowing – because if love is not worth fighting for then what is? 

The fifth love – the ones we love and scream out to the world about – is the obsession – and I have been there too, felt that enormous power, and some times I feel it even now. Age should have taught me to control this better, but I guess it is not in me to control such things – even though needing some one like you need air is dangerous. But love can not always be safe. Loving someone is always risky.

The sixth love – the ones we love because we can’t find anyone else - sounds bad, because who wants to be loved because there were nobody else? But sometimes love becomes a safety net – if you can’t get the one you love, then you will love the one you can get. Man is not build to be alone, so for some this becomes the solution. Love as a bulwark against loneliness. But it doesn’t have to be so bad – it can also be a beautiful love. In the middle of a horrible situation, when you are facing the world all alone and with nobody to help you, then this one person steps up. It might not be the person you wanted, or the one you expected, but you will love the person because he or she was there at the exact right time when you needed it the most.

The seventh love – the ones we love because they don’t deserve anything but love – I love a lot of people like that. All my good friends deserve nothing but love. They are wonderful and beautiful people, who will always be there for me and I for them. I wish all of them nothing but happiness and would do my uttermost to keep them from harm and help them when they are in need. I know that if my life falls apart, this is the place I can always go, because we can re-build all that has been broken with them.

The eight love – the ones we love but we do not see a response to it in their heart – this is the worst feeling in the world. Loving someone without being loved back. I have tried this, and it never gets easier. It hits you when you least expect it, and it hits you equally hard every time. So we collapse and break. I sure do. I have no filter, If I love someone, then I love them, end of story. So if my love is not returned – then I break. My heart breaks. But we don’t hate them – I could never hate them – but I do cry over them…

So that is love – hard and brutal, selfish and altruistic, beautiful and wonderful. Love is all that – love is just love. Not a fairytale – but still the single most important thing in life. What would carreers, jobs and major accomplishments be worth, if you did not share it with anyone? What would life be worth, if there was no love in it?

So all there is left is for them to love us – just like we love them

…and hopefully they do…

→ 9 CommentsCategories: Culture · Family · Jordan · Random thoughts · Relationships · The Middle East · friends

Medicine is dangerous!

November 4, 2009 · 3 Comments

I was walking around in the second hand shops around second circle last week, trying to find items for my Halloween costume, and in one of the shops I got in to a loooooooooong conversation with the shop owner which actually gives credibility to Hareega’s post about a Jordanian medical company.

I was sick at that time, the seasonal cold, so I was coughing bad every 30 seconds. The old man who owned the shop looked at me very worried and then he asked me if I was taking any medicin. I told him ‘no’ (I never take medicin for a simple cold, I just deal with it) and he told me, that it was good and that I shouldn’t take any medicin for the cough, because it would make me more sick.

“Antibiotics are dangerous and will give you an infection so you become more sick”

Then he said that he was never sick and if he felt any sickness coming up, he would drink hot tea with dried lemon peel in it, and eat different local herbs and spices that he knew worked wonders. But he would never take any medicin. And he kept talking and talking about these herbs and things, andwas all in all very sweet. He left me and my friends in his store, went back to his house and then came back with dried lemon peel and different herbs, which he gave to me and told me how to use. He gave me the names of everything in Arabic and told me where to find it on the local markets downtown, and then he told me a story about a doctor he once knew who was coughing for a month and none of his fancy medicin could help him, and then the shopowner gave him some of his herbs and over night, the cough was finally gone….

I really liked this man, he was very sweet and good to me, and I have no doubt that herbs and natural solutions can be good for a lot of things relating to your health. But what worries me is, that what if something really serious infects you, something that can’t be fixed with herbs, and you don’t trust the doctors and the modern medicin – then very bad consequences could be the result. Because I am sure that my nice shop owner is not the only one out there who thinks in this way…

→ 3 CommentsCategories: Amman · Culture · Jordan · Random thoughts · The Middle East · Winter

Depression to bring more rain

November 1, 2009 · 5 Comments

It’s official. It’s November 1. The weekend brought a lot of rain. I changed my thin sheet to my thick blanket. I put on my woolen slippers. I considered cooking curry soup yesterday and I had my first cup of hot chocolate in a very long time.

Damn – winter is coming.

I don’t like winter, not at all. Long sunny summers and decent weather most of the year is on of the reasons I love Jordan. But of course, even Jordan needs a little rain – maybe even more than a little, but I don’t need it personally. Winter also means that I need to go and buy winter boots – eeewwww – and the best solution would actually be rubber boots – biiiiiiiiiiiiiig rubber boots. Because we all know how the streets of Amman look after 10 minutes of rain, sa7?

And today one of the top stories in Jordan Times was:

Depression to bring more rain!

And here I thought the proces usually went the other way – that more rain would bring depression – but maybe that’s just me :-) Do we get sad because it rains? or does it rain because we are sad?

→ 5 CommentsCategories: Amman · Climate · Jordan · Uncategorized

Event: Ways of self expression among youth in Denmark and Jordan

October 28, 2009 · 2 Comments

I would like to extend this invitation to all of you because I think it is going to be a great and interesting debate and film screening – I hope to see you all there :-)

WAYS OF SELF EXPRESSION AMONG YOUTH IN DENMARK AND JORDAN

The Danish Embassy and MS Action Aid would like to invite you to participate in two events closely connected to the screening of the Danish movie “Fighter” during the EU Film Festival. The movie deals with the themes of youth expression and intercultural dialogue and so will the events. Below you find our programme and a trailer:

The 5th of November in Amman at King Hussein Cultural Centre at 6pm: A debate about ways and limitations of youth expression with engaged young athletes and artists from Denmark and Amman, there among the leading actress. Movie screening at 8pm. – You will have another chance to view the movie “Fighter” at 5pm the 6th at Al-Hussein Cultural Centre.

The 7th of November in Zarqa at King Abdallah Cultural Centre at 3pm: Engaged young athletes and artists from Denmark, Amman and Zarqa will perform, share and debate different ways of self expression through sports and arts. The screening of the movie will take place at 6pm and be followed by a joint discussion with the audience.

We are looking forward to share, and possibly inspire you to, new ways of self expression.

The film will have English subtitles.

→ 2 CommentsCategories: Amman · Culture · Denmark · Europe · Jordan · Movies · Women · Youth

What is up with people?

October 25, 2009 · 5 Comments

  • Pepsi cans
  • Hotdog cans
  • Water bottles
  • Orange peel
  • Plastic bags
  • A thermo jug
  • Red Bull cans
  • Chips bags
  • A paint bucket
  • Cigarette butts en masse
  • Alluminum foil
  • A used diaper
  • Spoons
  • Paper
  • Left over food
  • Glas bottles
  • and so on and so on and so on………………

What the *beep* is all that crap doing in Wadi Mukhaires down by the Dead Sea????????????????????

Pardon my language, but this kind of BS can really get my blood running fast through my veins. Why would anyone in their right mind throw their garbage inside an otherwise beautiful Wadi, where people come to explore nature and have a good hike? I really don’t understand. There is trash everywhere in there!  And maybe it is just me, but seing a used diaper lying around and stumbling over empty bottles and cans every few meters is kind of a turn off for me, and really ruins my othervise great days out.

Maybe it is stupid foreigners like myself who go to Mukhaires and don’t care to bring their trash out with them and put in a bin – I can’t say for sure. But I know that foreign tourists can’t explain everything – because the really big problem is – that this is not a single phenomenom! Because Wadi Mukhaires is not the only place being used as a dump. It is every where. In Amman, outside Amman, on the roads, in the villages – every where.

So most of the problem must be caused by Jordanians themselves. Which makes even less sense! Because why would you deliberately trash your own surroundings – your own nature – your own country? You are the ones who have to live here in the future – so you should be the ones most eager to keep the country nice and beautiful so that your children and children’s children don’t have to grow up in a dump.

But it seems like many people don’t see that perspective. Because every day when I walk down the street – people randomly throw their shawarma paper, pepsi cans and cigarette butts on the street instead of holding on to it till they get to a trash can. And when families picnic down by the Dead Sea or along the Airport Road or any other place, many leave their trash right there on the ground. What is the mentality here? Are people convinced that somebody will come and pick things up after them or what? Because no one does! (or actually – I gathered 6 big plastic bags of trash inside Wadi Mukhaires the other day and made all of my friends fill their bags with trash, so we could carry it all out of there – to great annoyment to some of them ;-) ).

One reason could be, that Jordan lacks garbage bins in public areas. And I agree that this is an issue worth doing something about – but until government officials decides to do something about this garbage problem we have to do something about it ourselves. We have to stop throwing things on the street and in nature – keep your trash with you and put it where it should be!

And a final sidenote: The Couchsurfing network in Jordan is currently working on making a garbage collecting event in Aqaba next month and hopefully later there will be more events like that in Amman and other places in the country. Jordan definitely needs it.

→ 5 CommentsCategories: Amman · Aqaba · Climate · Jordan · foreigners

Parenting: Jordan vs. Denmark

October 17, 2009 · 5 Comments

I have noticed some interesting differences between how parents raise their children in Jordan and in Denmark. I have thought about it for a long time – but haven’t found the time to blog about it. Of course this is nothing but some personal observations and therefore not a generalization (I know people raise there children in many different ways – but still – there are some interesting overall differences).
The overall pattern seems to be two opposite ways of parenting.
In Denmark parents will very early on start making restrictions for their children and demand proper behavior: sit up straight, eat properly at the table, don’t mess with your food, too much sweets and candy is not good for you, they will not pick them up all the time when they cry and so on. In a sense try to teach them the realities of life at an early stage – that you can’t always get what you want, when you want it and things like that.
But then, as the children grow up – the parents will loosen the ties. As they get older, they become more mature and hopefully responsible and capable of making their own choices. They will get more freedom and opportunities to choose their own way. The children will seperate themselves from their parents in order to pursue their own dreams and goals in life and the parents will slowly let them go – to stand on their own two feet.
I guess you can visualize it something like this:
fem
And then in Jordan….
In Jordan my experience has been quite opposite. Small children are allowed to do almost everything – and when you ask why the answer is: “He is so young/little, he doesn’t know any better” or ”He is so cute – how can you say no to him?”. And a friend of mine had her nieces visiting in her house and they just threw food on the floor constantly, and she couldn’t do anything about it, because their parents didn’t mind – so she just ran after them and picked up food…
So it seems that in Jordan the children are often pampered and a bit spoiled when they are young – and they are loved and cared for in every way.
And then it changes when the children get older. When they get older, the harsh realities of life hits them. The parents strengthen the ties, the rules becomes stricter and the children get more responsibilities and duties in the house. And this situation persists, for many at least, until they get married. Most young men and women live at home until they get married and can enter a new house and family, and until that day the parents will continue to have a big say in their lives and in what choices they make for themselves.
The Jordanian pattern could then maybe look like this:
Mask
I’m not saying that either one is better than the other – but I just find the differences mind tricking.
What can be the reason behind such differences?

→ 5 CommentsCategories: Culture · Denmark · Family · Jordan · Uncategorized

If you can stand the fire…

October 16, 2009 · 7 Comments

I can’t remember on which tv channel – maybe it’s on the MBC network – but there has been some public service announcements running on tv that has gotten my attention.

I can’t read the Arabic fast enough to understand everything, but it doesn’t take much to understand the general idea. It is about drinking alcohol, and forgive me that I don’t remember all the details, but it has been a while since I last saw it, but the message is hard to forget. 

Alcohol is being poured in a glas and the rim of the glass turns red like fire. And the message on the screen says something like “If you can stand the fire”. And it takes no genius to get the message: “Drink the alcohol if you don’t mind the burning fire in Hell – because that is where you will end up”.

The announcement is made by a Saudi Prince and there are also similar announcements about hash and drugs.

It really gives me a bad taste in my mouth. I know that alcohol is haram according to Islam, or at least according to many peoples’ view of Islam, but I am generally against moralizing. I believe that every man must make his own choices in life and choose what is best for him or her, and that judgement on moral issues like these matters should be left for who ever is up there.

I do believe that excessive use of alcohol, hash and drugs is not good for you – but not for moral reasons, but because of the hurt and pain it can cause yourself and the people around you and the people who loves you. 

But maybe the announcements only seem repulsive to me because I’m from another culture? What do you guys feel when you see public service announcements like this? Is it okey for a tv station to dictate the morals of a whole country/region?

→ 7 CommentsCategories: Culture · Jordan · Random thoughts

Abu Saleem and recycling in Jordan

October 13, 2009 · 2 Comments

Two nights ago I went to the opening night of Seeing Green – an environmental film festival in Amman, sponsored by the British and American Embassy among others, and showed at the Royal Film Commission in Jabal Amman.

And it was really great. Full house first of all – so many people came to support the initiative. The first night 2 films were shown. Rameem and Here comes the sun.

I really loved the first film – Rameem. Apparently it was produced in less than 2 weeks, it was made by Aramram and stared the fantastic recycling genius Abu Saleem J. The film was about the environment problems in Jordan, how they have developed and how little the average Jordanian actually knows about environmental problems, air pollution, water scarcity, energy dependence, possibilities with renewable energy and so on. Abu Saleem (a brilliant and funny character in the film) went around Downtown Amman and Abdali and asked random people on the street about these issues, and it was alarming how little they knew. The film also featured different clips with Abu Saleem’s suggestions on how to save water in your house, recycle garbage and so on.

The film was made very entertaining and it was all in all a very unusual eco-mentary. In the discussion after the film it was suggested by one in the audience, and I totally agree, that the film should be showed in all public and private schools in Jordan. It is easy to understand and I think children will love Abu Saleem and maybe be persuaded to make changes in their own families and homes.

All big changes starts with small initiatives and this film is definitely a good initiative.

For those of you who didn’t go – I hope you will get a chance to see this film at a later point.

The film festival continues today and tomorrow. Tonight it is the British film Age of Stupid and tomorrow the French film Home. The films start at 7.30pm and it is free. Enjoy.

→ 2 CommentsCategories: Amman · Climate · Jordan · Renewable energy